Void

Honestly, it is both tough and inevitable for me to begin writing this. This will never reach out to you, but then, I care not. This comes out of my own volition in order to heal the emotional extenuation and pure joy that all things around you have caused on me.

I despise not being able to hate you but then, hatred is not bound to me and never remains. I am bitter as I am not aware of whatever there is on your mind and for the concealed reasons that support your puzzling and altogether conspicuous decision of not seeing each other anymore. I am but no one to meddle with your affairs or take part of your choices and I accept what you have chosen, but definitely I will not settle down quietly.

As adults, it was mutual choice to take part on what happened. It made me feel special. As of late, my troubling lies on me being foolish and irresponsible enough to not stop you from being so care-free. Though I thought about it once, as I tried my best to be supportive, now I could not care less about whatever brought you to your positively challenging situation, as I mind only what may become of me. I am thankful of being notified of it all firsthand, despite that being the worst night I can recall. Either way, as scared shitless as I was, I did not look away. Meaning to stay, I made my thoughts clear but then... Not even that was enough.

I feel for you, I cannot deny that, and if I can blame something for what has happened, it would be your very last words. You say it could not have worked out but this way; what about what I think? Regardless, you did not mind and I have dealt with it. Remains strange though, due to lack of any word I could come up with, your altogether weird behaviour but it has well shattered what little was left on me, unceremoniously. So be it.

Reckon there are better ways to express frustration, and you may have yours, but HONESTLY, spare me the verbal dung. As will not suffer to be thus polluted by such pathetic effort to comfort a weary mind. So, please do not come and tell me you also feel for me. It is only demeaning and I am positive not even you believe so.

I feel grateful for the time I was given with you, of the things aplenty I had the chance to learn with you, following your lead in matters both practical and professional, all the laughter, the gadgetry and people I met, and of you sparing me from taking the step I feared taking but then, no thanks. I simply happen to know better now.